Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
