I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
