bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
