Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
