I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
