He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
