How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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