Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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