Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
did i walk over a car last night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
