I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
