just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
