I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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