Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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