We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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