All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
