This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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