I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
