I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
