Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
