I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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