Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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