You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
