she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
