happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
