shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
