What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
