I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
