so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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