sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
