Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize