I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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