Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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