She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
