Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
