Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize