Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
