I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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