Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
