the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it glows. i had to have it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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