p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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