is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
