My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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