apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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