I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
