I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
