just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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