And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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