Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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