I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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