Whod you bang
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We got so high we made milksteak
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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