Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
