I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
