reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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