ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
