just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
