I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
