OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
