im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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