just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
