the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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