Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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