please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
