don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
