Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
