do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
