The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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