I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
