I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
