apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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