My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
