Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
