Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
