I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
