When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
