Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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