Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
