We're facebook friends in real life
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize