I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
