If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
