we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
