Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
