I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
