Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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