After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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