Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
