i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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