im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
