That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize