Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
