Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
