I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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