It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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