Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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