I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
