how can u be prego again
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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