i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
